Thursday, April 19, 2007

Do you dare....

Ahhh dares, one of the few things in the world that people can still enjoy. The mere sound of the word get people curious, wanting to know what idiotic thing someone will do so they won't look like a wimp.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not encouraging people to go out and make a stupid dare and nearly get someone killed or arrested. There should always be a limit on what the dares are. For instance, if I was dared to ask out the cheerleader captain to supper, that is acceptable. If I was dared to shoot a vehicle with a paintball gun, I wouldn't (unless it was mine of course).
I, like every other normal human being, have been dared countless times. I have been dared to do weird, stupid, funny and even gross things. I haven't really been dared to do anything lately, which is fine by my standards, but have done some things that I have a slight reputation for. I shall share one of these stories so you may enjoy a good laugh or maybe so you can develop a lecture to tell your kids what not to do when dared. Well, here it is then.
I can't remember the first dare I had, nor will I ever remember it. I did, however, make one of the stupidest bets of my entire life. I agreed to drink one container of evaporated milk.
OK, before you react to harshly or laugh to hard or go off to drink one yourself, you must learn the reason why and the result. This is very important because I don't want my blog to be responsible for a emergency room trip or something.
My uncle was telling me stories on how he wanted to put on weight while he was doing some construction work in B.C., so he went out and bought a couple of cases of evaporated milk. He drank these for a while and put on a ton of weight. Now I am a thinner guy, and have always wanted to be a little bigger. Not that I wanted to be fat, but I wanted to be large enough so you could see me when I turned sideways.
I was talking to my friend Linsay when I mentioned this evaporated milk thing to her. I was wondering what it would taste like to drink one, because I'm that type of guy. She then dared me to drink one for some reason or other, and since I can't remember it I will leave it at that.
Well, I knew that I must do it or be called a wimp or loser or noob, so I agreed.
About a year later I was on a youth retreat down at Millar. Yes, this was the retreat where I was brutally beaten and left to die of shame or internal bleeding. Thankfully none of the two happened.
On the way back to our hometown we stopped at a gas station of some sort. I went to the bathroom, which is kinda funny because I was forced to use the women's restroom. I really had to go and there was a huge lineup, and since every other guy had to go badly they wouldn't let me go ahead of them. I then saw the girls in our group doing nothing, so I ran over and dragged them back to the bathroom area. I asked them to watch over the bathroom and make sure that no other ladies came in, and they agreed to do so. I ran in and they stood there like two bodyguards protecting the president. However, normal bodyguards don't laugh and tell everyone else who is the ladies bathroom. I survived again and ran out of it, embarrassed to the max.
As we were ready to leave Linsay noticed that there was evaporated milk in the stores freezer. I told her if she bought it I would drink it, and she wouldn't spent the $1.50 or so it was so I bought it myself. I told her I couldn't drink it there because I would get sick, and told her I would when we got home.
4 hours later we arrived home, and as I stood standing outside the local ESSO a can was thrust into my face. I swallowed and went inside to get a can opener, and then returned outside after I had opened it. It was dark outside, probably about 8:30, and I looked at the cow on the can. It was just me and him, and I concentrated as hard as I could to get my stomach ready. I threw the can to my lips and started to chug.
The first thing I noticed was the milk was warm, a little too warm for my liking. I also noticed it was very thick, but I closed my eyes and continued to tilt my head back. As the milk made its way into my stomach my brain was screaming at me to stop and throw this back up. I shook my head and continued like a brave soldier on a suicidal mission, waiting for the end to come. Finally the milk stopped flowing and I threw down the can, standing myself up normal again. I quickly bent over as the wave of nausea hit me, and nearly passed out from the pain. I could feel the thick, warm milk curdling inside of my stomach, a horrible experience don't you know. I quickly lunged for my huge slushy cup, and ripped open the lid. I then realized I couldn't hurl all this up, I had to hold it back until the girls left. Anna and Linsay both began gathering bags as I curled up on the frozen ground praying I could see my parents one last time.
Thankfully the girls ride arrived right away, and they threw their bags into the van. I stood up to say goodbye, and then I quickly went home myself. I didn't puke, but I know that I would never do that again (unless it was a good reason, like a date with someone or something).
And what did I get in return for this act of courage? A hug, which is much better than anything I could have wished for.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

man i was there i didnt know the details so thanks for clearing that up with me. i would have done it, as stupid as it sounds. but u did it nd i was right there to laugh at u.